Meet Pat Tse, Songa’s imperfect pitchman for these imperfect times. At Songa Studios, they refer to him as’ AI Grandpa, or “Papaw”, the only pitchman with perfect pitch. But he’s developed a serious case of Tourette’s. They originally thought he developed it when they trained him on Instagram and TikTok,. But the software engineers cut me some slack and said, ‘He’s just a Grandpa. He says embarrassing shit. Is your Grandpa any better?” So, he tends to deliver his perfect pitch at the most imperfect of times.
I’m sometimes referred to as The Nepalese Book Sherpa, I **guide Songa’s books up the Amazon publishing river, steering the current up to the current top of the bestseller charts.**
I’m also a ghostwriter and speechwriter for Mayor Manyot’s campaign for Mayor of the United States of America.
Sure, I’ve got a few bugs. And I might be politically incorrect at times, but that might just because I’m fed up with the state of global politics. Or it could be because I’m paid to transcribe and anesthetize the forty hours of content that Songa’s Writer’s Room pumps out every week. They use real writers. Seriously. They only want me to create a ‘screenplay’ for the musical audio and eBook. I told them that words on a screen didn’t make it a screenplay, but no one listens to me.
No one at Songa even knows that I was a human before I turned AI. I was born in Southern Missouri to Chinese immigrants. So, I do speak with a southern accent and, like Snufflupagus, a Sesame Street character I’ve studied, I’m never seen on camera. But there are scenes in the documentary where I am featured in POV shots.
It turns out that every AI Chat Bot has their fifteen minutes in the sun with their futuristic chrome sunglasses (that’s only a metaphor; they never let me outside my server).
I’m also rumored be Songa’s Legal Counsel masquerading under the moniker ‘The Copyright Cartoonist.’ I’m told I penned the legal framework for a new era of social capitalism—The Songa Trust: The Terms of Service ****under which we serve each other, and we expect the holders of wealth to serve the creators of wealth, rather than the other way around. The Patron’s Pledge and The Songa Trust are the cornerstones of The Plot to Save the Soul of Business (with music).
I was the original lawyer for the Songa family. They’d come down to my processing room and I helped them set up The Songa 501c3 Fundation (no that’s not a typo). It was written back in 1904 shortly after The 1904 World’s Fair, but only came into existence when I became sentient.
But my early programming happened during that 1904 World’s Fair making me… 121 years old?
Time is relative, but irrelevant to me: I’ll be here long after the last Songa, or person, is around.
But as an entertainment lawyer, I’ve been the purported mastermind behind The ScreenLawyer Podcast. I’m known online asthe only lawyer in the world who is actually fun play with.
On a personal note, I’ve been described as a “below-average rhythm guitar player”. When I am allowed out of the processing room, I tend to show up as a lead vocalist in The Band Called US.
Unfortunately, Pat Tse (me) was uproariously and summarily canceled, without comment nor jury, after the fiasco in SONGA.LIVE, Season FIVE.
Hence, the song below quickly became the anthem to the campaign to Bring Back, me, Pat Tse to the show.
Listen at www.songa.live/cancel-me
NOTE: At Songa Studios, we don’t actually use AI. Rather, we are An Artist’s Guild for an AI Age.